Don't Feel Small, be Brave Faizah !

 

On my last day in Balikpapan (in my previous office), I ask to my staff to take this picture. a picture who speaks loudly about my future plan right after my resignation. 

Since beginning of my career in State-Owned Enterprise, my vision is clear : I build a strong portfolio, be critical engineer, then find sexy problem who will be my story to make a personal statement and motivation letter, then find two strong key players to write a recommendation for me. 

After all the requirement process is done, I take an IELTS test. next is to apply for University admission and scholarship. the plan is perfect, so that is time to resign. 

But you know what ? that's perfectly planned is set up due to covering up my wounded soul. you know my past, I experienced moving from Surabaya to Samarinda while my undergraduate degree is not completed yet. I continue my degree in Samarinda, at the university when toxic and bullying culture still alive, spreading across all the university (including the faculty). that time is really struggling and full of tears. until finally I graduate as the highest GPA among my peers, eventough it is very late. ideally, it just need 2 years to accomplish that degree, but because the toxic culture, I've done it in 3 years.

the total amount of time of my study is almost 7 years. you can count it from 2013 till 2019. not an ideal time for person who pursue a scholarship. but God is good, in 2018 I got accepted in State-Owned Enterprise in the construction sector. and the rest is history.

I know that my greatest weakness at that time is English. because the circumstance and ecosystem where I study is not a good place for upscaling my English skill. therefore, my choice is very tight : I must find a scholarship who did need IELTS in the beginning process. then, that scholarship must count heavely on my working experience rather than my college background. lastly, I set my standard reliable. I must apply in the university that can see my value. not the university that has "Top School Brand" because I am not their league.

then I found New Zealand Scholarship : they will pay my IELTS test once I pass the selection process. this is perfect ! so I just need to find the suitable university for me with term exclude NZ best university. I got It : Massey University, Construction Law. the place that not intimidates me.

destiny brings me to the only master student from Indonesia in Massey : Widi Auliagisni. Widi is my very first person outside my family that believes in me even though I think I'm not good enough. she regularly spent her busy time to brainstrorm with me. convince me to apply and believe that I can make my dream into reality.

I  also met with Ibu Nurul Kasyifita, Banjarnese from Samarinda who willing to proofreading my Indonesian essay (because my English is that bad) and gives me delightful input that progressing my essay a lot. at the end of the year, I met Annisa Hasanah who have a similar working background with me (transportation project). Annisa widens up my perspective about how to plan my research. moreover, Widi recommends me to the professor who be the reason for my decision to Massey. I got the personal number of the professor and he, (the professor) invited me to come in one of his zoom lecture. 

in Januari 2021, the New Zealand Scholarship awardee held mentoring program for people who plan to apply that scholarship. they did selection process and I passed as one of 50 mentees who got that chance from around 200 applicants.

the mentoring concept is like I have buddy program. the person who guides me in my essay and the admission process. the program is supposed to prepare mentee to apply in New Zealand Scholarship for the 2021 period. (turns out, unfortunately the scholarship did not open due to the COVID-19 outbreak)

Surprisingly, destiny matched me with Annisa again. that 2 months mentoring process enlights me that English is a very strong foundation. I must mastery the way of thinking in English in order to make a compelling and clear essay. my problem is a language barrier, I have a tremendous idea and how to making it into reality, but the problem is I have a constraint to deliver it into English.

with my UMR salary and living cost in Balikpapan that take half of it, pay for an IELTS class is not my choice. nevertheless, my only choice is to dicipline studying IELTS through free learning resource such as Futurelearn and Youtube. it did greatly on my passive skills (listening and reading) but have no progression in my active part (speaking and writing). but it was my only way. I can ask for more.

In August 2021, through 2 hours zoom interview, Pak Jony Eko Yulianto gives me IELTS private scholarships. He told me that one of her students just came back from her master degree in the University of Bristol funded by LPDP and decide to be an IELTS coach as her next endeavor as one of her giveback in Indonesia. Betari wants to helps applicant who struggling with IELTS to pass the test and pursue their dream. and Pak Joni decides to give me scholarship is the way he support my dream and Betari's dream as well.

the writing modul has been done in October, so I decide to apply to the Auckland University of Technology for conditional offers. I completed all the requirements and convinced myself that I deserved it. then a few days later I brace myself to apply to Massey University for Construction Project Management. I changed my course after long discussion with Widi (Widi is taking Construction Project Management also) and some deliberation because I see implementing Construction Project Management is way suitable after study rather than Construction Law because mostly in Indonesia still use Netherland and Indonesian Law in the purpose of construction contract.